She Never Called

14 11 2005

I hope this cuts down on the amount of these dumb emails I get.

From: —–, ——-
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2005 10:46 AM
To: E———-, Tanya L.
Subject: RE: video games

Dear Tanya,

Thank you very much for sending me your spam. As a student of statistics, I’m sure that you know that most people do not respond to mass emails that request personal information. Do you know why? It’s because pollsters, such as you, don’t want to take the time to give someone a personal phone call, a personal email, or a personal visit. They’d rather use the shotgun approach, like you just have. Please see your email which I have modified below. The type of email, with my corrections, would have evoked a response from me. However, your email has not. If you’d like me answer to your survey, you may call me at x3269 between 1:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m., on Monday, November 14, 2005.

Thanks,

—–



From: E———-, Tanya L.
Sent: Sunday, November 13, 2005 9:17 PM
To: 50 Names Here
(There are 50 people who received this email. This makes me feel like you really don’t care about my response.)

Subject: video games (Capitalize your subject line, please. It looks sloppy.)

Hi, (Hi? Hi who? Do I not have a name?)

My name is Tanya E——— (I know what your name is, it’s in my inbox), and I’m doing a survey for my Bus Stat class (Bus Stat? You can’t take the time to write out “Business Statistics”?). I’d (In high school English, we learn that you don’t use contractions in professional writing. This is business statistics, no?) just like to know if you guys play 5 hours or more of video game (Game? That should be games.) each week. If ya’ll (Let’s end with cute Southern slang, even though we’re from Marietta, Ohio (special thanks to myGCC for that pertinent information)) would please reply with a yes or a no(Outlook has voting buttons. Use them.), I’d (Again, contractions?) really appreciate it! (Of course you would! You’d love if you did no work and then we all replied with a response so you could get an A!)

Thanks,

Tanya


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7 responses

15 11 2005
jlw

Ha ha – hilarious🙂 So glad to see you know a thing or two about how to approach an email if it is for something “professional”. You crack me up, James! I can’t believe you actually sent that to her! Poor girl…

15 11 2005
Anonymous

Well done

15 11 2005
Kristen

You are too funny! 🙂

16 11 2005
Anonymous

Damn James… You sure did rip her a new one!

19 11 2005
Libby Greene

I know just the facebook group for Tanya…

10 12 2005
Anonymous

You’re such a jack ass.
jason

31 12 2006
steve

are you sure about that?

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