While I was at work today, I reread this book. I liked it less this time. I read it for the first time back in August and now I’m slightly depressed about how much less I liked it this time.
I still like the basic premise of “guys don’t usually have the guts to just tell you that they aren’t that into you so they give glaring clues that should help you catch on”. So Behrendt says that a guy isn’t that into you if:
- he’s not asking you out
- he’s not calling you
- he’s not dating you
- he’s not having sex with you
- he’s having sex with someone else
- he only wants to see you if you’e drunk
- he doesn’t want to marry you
- he’s breaking up with you
- he’s disappeared on you
- he’s married (or other insane variations of being unavailable)
- he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
From a purely secular and pro-female side of this, these points are absolutely right. From a Christian worldview, he’s still mostly right. As I read the book again though, I found myself laughing at the general stupidity of women who would actually believe that a guy would be unable to find their phone number or that a guy would really leave his wife or that a guy really wants to be with a girl that he is breaking up with. Honestly, it’s really not funny.
Going back a step, I agree that even though a woman is beautiful, smart, and funny a guy can just not be into her. I have personally experienced this. But what about the women out there who aren’t beautiful, smart, and funny? What about the women whose personalities are so awful that guys want to blow out their brains after talking to them for five minutes? Is it fair to say that a guy doesn’t appreciate them and that they should blow them off when the balk for a moment to consider that they might not want to take a plunge with someone like the woman across the table? As I reread this book, I noticed the trend of “you are a great woman, don’t take any crap”. This would be true if we were dealing with a perfect woman.
I’d like to propose a second, modified book called He’s Just Not That Into You or It Just Might Be That Something Is Wrong With You by Greg Behrendt and me. We’ll keep almost all of the points from the wildly popular first edition. The second edition will be less popular because it will have the added bonus of not being so feel good. Instead of just “the guy isn’t doing his thing because he’s a loser and not into me” it will add on a little dose of “I might be incredibly annoying and that’s why he isn’t into me”. Smart men and women will love the book because it will admit that guys will move heaven and earth to get a cell phone number of a girl and they’re into but it will also admit that guys would rather throw their cell phone in an outhouse than participate in another hour long listening session about how a woman is fat, depressed, and unfulfilled.
That said, we can all agree on a few things.
- Men call women they are into.
- Men like to pursue women.
- The woman may be the cause of a man not calling or pursuing any more.
I think I might reread this again and then see what I think.